A paranoid state

spying of a "spy", summer 2019

Day 3: It was a raining night day in August, and the military's bell started to ring as usual at 9:20 pm as if it was preparing for its final strike of the day, at 9:30 pm. Panda, her belly comfortably flattened on the couch, next to her small fan, and her laptop started to write her third journal slowly, though not pleasantly enough as the sofa was too small for her size. She also had been squeezed herself inside a mosquito net that covered the entire sofa, her fan, and her computer. There was so much hungry creature for her warmblood around this house where she was only one warm-blooded living resident. Unfortunately enough, she had an O-blooded type, favorite meal of these bloodsuckers. 9:30 pm! She knew it immediately when the trumpet suddenly roared out loud. However, she forgot to analyze the sound as she was busy thinking about what the music was about, and what kind of feelings it was designated to deliver. It was odd. She always thought about the funerals' music on her head even before this trumpet signal. Even when it was over, her mind was still playing that music over and over again. Sometimes, it was so real that she believed it was a funeral out there. Then she shook her head, almost all the times, and told herself that it couldn't be many funerals that she heard about every day. It couldn't be real. She felt at ease, although it did not mean she did not "hear" it on her mind. She just learned to put it aside. 9:33 pm and it became quiet. The loudest sound in her house now came from the little fan. The rain made fruits from the old and tall tree by the kitchen drop on the thin roof. It sounded like someone's walking on it. She had become more alert at night as she was living alone. Although she locked all the doors and windows every night when it was getting dark, she forgot to close the kitchen window tonight. She regretted that she ignored this door when she went out to her mother for dinner. She did not like her thought about whether someone was standing in the dark, looking inside her house. Unfortunately, she was even more terrified by another thought about someone out, in the dark, could have been pulled out when she reached out to close the window at night. She could not decide which fears were more frightening. Sometimes, her hair on her neck standing up at some short and unidentified sounds. Inside the living room, which was also her bedroom was her current reading book written by George Orwell, 1984. Ironically, she was learning to improve her writing by reading and listen to this book, and her current page had a line with few words in capitals 'BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU'. Yes, she saw it, and she was paranoic of being watched by someone in the dark. Finally, she did not do anything with the door. She did not close it. To take some courage to make it as fast as she could to close the door, then she could have a better sleep at night. However, she did not do it. Why? Was she a scared chicken or wise owl? She could not tell it herself. She could not sleep, just because of one unclosed window. What if someone found a long stick, and with a hook, they could pull the kitchen door? What if they could steal something inside her livingroom with that stick? No, she could not sleep with "what if" like that. With a great determination, she turned off the light near her bed. She waited in the dark for a while before going to her kitchen. It turned out the outside now looked brighter than inside her house. She did not allow her to spend any second to look at the garden. She pulled the window and tried to find the hook. She could not do it in the dark, but at that point, it was not as scary as it was a few seconds ago. She turned the light on and locked that window. Then, she was happy and came back to her bed. Just a few seconds later, her sleep took over her completely.