As a subject to Nude photos

I have taken nude photos of men in nature, but what about me as a subject?

The first time I participated in nude photography was in the Coming Out II project by Himiko Nguyễn. To be honest, I didn't like seeing myself in those photos initially. However, as years passed and I looked at them again, I realized it was okay. It's a real representation of my body at a certain age, so I decided to embrace it.

Later, in 2016, I took some self-portraits during a period when my body underwent significant changes and I lost weight without knowing the reason. Through the nude project and personal exploration, I became bolder and questioned why I could show the faces of the people I photographed but not my own. Why did I feel the need to hide, as if I had done something wrong or should be ashamed of my body? So, I started taking more self-portraits.

The boldest step I've taken so far was participating in Jamie's project. We have had two sessions already, and I'm eagerly anticipating the upcoming one. Deep down, I want to preserve and examine all the images of myself, regardless of whether they are considered ugly or good. As a "photographer," even as an amateur and occasional subject, I understand the creative process and have accepted that I can only keep the ones Jamie sends me, despite my instinctive urge to hoard them.

Although Jamie has the final say and more creative control over the photos in which I am the subject, my possessive nature to keep these images is not about owning them or profiting from them as property. It's purely about the emotions and sentiments I feel, as it is my own image captured in those photos.

The fabric plays a significant role in my project, A Queer Museum. The daisy, once you understand its meaning in the Vietnamese queer lexicon, becomes more than just a flower. This particular image was taken during the second session, right after I had my hair cut to make myself more comfortable for daily swimming. It may have been a small step, but it represented my commitment to self-learning and growth, rather than worrying about how I looked. Obviously, I did not conform to conventional femininity or normative beauty standards.

I discussed my hair and the female body with Jamie, expressing my annoyance with the fact that many young Vietnamese women, even those who are body-positive, sex educators, and feminists, condemn body hair. One person even said, "Who would like to fuck and get tangled in an Amazon forest?" Furthermore, a male sex educator made a joke about the incident involving "violin," a slang term for hair stuck in teeth. I told Jamie that I refuse to hide my hair.

If that's the case, I recall a conversation with a queer guy who told me he chose to keep his black teeth rather than date gay men who didn't have the courage to accept him. He identified as a bottom queen and surrounded himself with many queens, resulting in a high demand for tops. Not having black teeth made it extremely difficult for him to find sexual or romantic partners, but he embraced it and found enjoyment in it. I feel the same way. I would rather have a relationship with my hair than with those who criticize or hate it.

The silicone nipple covers are funny things that have given me a sense of liberation. I dislike wearing bras and find all the contraptions designed to hold my breasts or cover my nipples inconvenient and annoying. I always try to get rid of them whenever possible. If I had to choose between my body and a guy's body, I would opt to trade my breasts first. I would prefer to have small breasts or none at all. While I'm not particularly keen on having a penis, having one would also be more convenient. Could I choose to have my soul without breasts and a vagina?

I believe these nipple covers look good on me. I just dislike the inconveniences associated with these body parts in my life. I spend a lot of time swimming and hiking, and I don't worry too much about getting a tan. Skin color and hair length can be changed if desired, but I don't want to restrict myself when it comes to enjoying nature and outdoor activities. I may feel tired, but I also feel good and experience a sense of calm and self-love when I pursue what I enjoy, rather than focusing on what would make me more likable.

@Đinh Nhung, Aug 2016, Myanmar

I mixed my snap photo with Jamie's. Me as naked goddess :), July 2023

As a subject to Jamie's series photography project, June 2023

I recently met Jamie on a Friday afternoon, just before leaving Hanoi to return to Uong Bi on August 11, 2023. Our conversation was extensive and much needed. We didn't spend a lot of time taking photos. It's difficult to describe the exact feeling, but there was an uneasiness that prevented me from fully relaxing. Jamie sensed it, and we sat down to talk. I remained naked on a different chair as we conversed for hours.

During our conversation, Jamie shared details about his relationships, work, love, and pain. I also opened up about my own hesitations and what I wanted to do. I couldn't help but think about John, my late friend, and the time we sat on a sofa watching "The Lovers." Despite the age gap between us, we cherished our friendship and were cautious about crossing any boundaries, even if the erotic film sparked desire. We simply watched, cried, and appreciated the film together, making that night special. Sometimes I miss John and reflect on the times I visited him, which made our friendship unique. Sitting there naked with Jamie, I had a similar sense of connection and vulnerability. I respected Jamie for his honesty when he told me he would respect the subject, and he even turned down my request to have all the photos, explaining that he only felt comfortable sending the good ones. In hindsight, I realize it would have been better to have this conversation earlier and negotiate more effectively. So, at this point, I accept his reasoning and believe it is fair. Jamie assured me that he would send me more photos and that he would keep in mind that I might like some of them too.

I also asked Jamie if I could use these photos in my writing, and he agreed. Now, I feel at peace knowing that we have consent regarding these photos, and I am free from guilt in relation to Jamie.

In this particular photo, I appear bold and rough. It's not an image I often see of myself, and I can't quite pinpoint whether I like it or not. However, it exudes strength, and it's rare to see women portrayed in this way.

I contemplate why I agree to participate in these projects, such as being featured in documentary films and photography projects. Am I an exhibitionist? According to some medical texts, exhibitionism involves exposing one's genitals to become sexually excited or having a strong desire to be observed by others during sexual activity. However, I don't seem to fit this definition. I wonder if my desire for a form of immortality, even after death, plays a role. Perhaps the fact that I don't have children to carry on my legacy, whatever that may be, or simply to remember me when I'm gone, is a factor. I've felt a strong urge to share stories about my family history and my father after his passing. While I've struggled to find the words to convey these thoughts, I can't help but wonder what will happen when it's my turn.

So, the nude photos are not solely about my sexuality; they are about me as a being—completely naked, raw, and honest in front of the camera. What would I want others to remember about me? Obviously, not just my genitalia, but why do I choose to be naked? I believe that time or a curious mind will ponder these questions too, and the answers may lie on a deeper psychological level that I cannot fully articulate.

-- after writing for a while, I suddenly wondered why not asked GPT to help me edit my writing. So above text is already proofed. SO my curiosity took me to ask GPT the question I asked and here is the answer: The deeper psychological reasons for choosing to be naked in front of the camera can vary from person to person. Here are a few possibilities:

1. Vulnerability and Authenticity: Being naked in front of the camera can symbolize a willingness to be vulnerable and authentic. By shedding the societal constructs and expectations associated with clothing, it allows individuals to present themselves in their most raw and genuine form. It can be an act of embracing and expressing their true selves without any external barriers.

2. Liberation and Empowerment: For some people, being naked in front of the camera can be a way of reclaiming their bodies and embracing their own sense of power and liberation. It can be seen as a form of self-expression and self-acceptance, challenging the norms and taboos surrounding nudity and celebrating the beauty and diversity of the human form.

3. Body Positivity and Self-Acceptance: Choosing to be naked in front of the camera can be an act of promoting body positivity and self-acceptance. It can be a way for individuals to challenge their own insecurities and societal beauty standards, embracing their bodies as they are and encouraging others to do the same. It may serve as a statement of self-love and a rejection of body shaming.

4. Exploring Identity and Self-Expression: Nudity in photography can be a tool for exploring and expressing one's identity and individuality. By removing clothing, individuals may aim to shift the focus away from external appearances and instead delve into deeper aspects of their personality, emotions, and experiences. It allows for a more introspective exploration of the self.

5. Artistic Expression and Creativity: In the realm of art, nudity has long been a subject of exploration and expression. By being naked in front of the camera, individuals can tap into their artistic side, using their bodies as a canvas to convey emotions, ideas, and stories. It can be a way of pushing the boundaries of traditional art and challenging societal norms.

It's important to note that these reasons are not exhaustive, and individuals may have their own unique motivations for choosing nudity in front of the camera. The deeper psychological reasons can be highly personal and subjective, influenced by individual experiences, beliefs, and desires. "" interesting and I feel grateful to have this chat and help with GPT.